is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
People with herpes should wear stickers.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
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