Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
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