Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
