I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
