i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
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