i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
