I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Randomize
