your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Randomize
