He kissed a someone with a penis
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
As shirtless as possible
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Randomize
