Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
