Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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