jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
why do cheetos always look like penises
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I just gargled with NyQuil
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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