he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
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