"it" just moved
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
