You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Randomize
