new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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