She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Randomize
