I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
