If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
