thus making me awesome and them whores
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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