I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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