Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
