I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Randomize
