So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
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