i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
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