I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.�
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Randomize
