so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Randomize
