Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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