You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
