woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
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