i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
We had to coat check the pizza.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
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