I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
