I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
