im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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