i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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