i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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