What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I am available for nakedness
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
