so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
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