We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Randomize
