Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Someone shattered a urinal.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Randomize
