So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
