Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
My vagina just clenched in fear
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
