That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
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