Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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