She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Randomize
