you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
