can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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