Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
