I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
