there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
