In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Randomize
