I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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